Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Masqurade of Porcelain



I have tried, for so long
To let only the part
I want people
to see show.
People see me and say she's got it all, and altogether.
But they don't see
the depths of my heart.
They don't hear
me cry for the things I long to be.
They don't know
the things that threaten to break me.
The depression that threatens to steal my joy.

It’s a masquerade,
I'm finding that it's not living.
I tried to be strong for everyone else,
To forget about me.
I know no one wants to hear
the real me. 
They rather see the porcelain doll,
The perfect smile, perfect life.
With everything in place.

But my heart is crying,
Do you see?
Do you see...
The one who
Sometimes
Cries herself to sleep.
The one who
Desires
True friends.
The one who
Just wants to
Find a way to be herself
longs for
others to be ok with
Me just being me.

Its a masquerade,
I'm finding that it's not living.
I tried to be strong for everyone else,
To forget about me.
I know no one wants to hear
the real me. 
They rather see the porcelain doll
The perfect smile, perfect life.
With everything in place.

Porcelain dolls are fragile
And easily broke
I'm tired of the work it takes
to keep the pieces together
to keep everything in place
It's time to stop the masquerade
And show the world the real me
Now I just have to find
who that's supposed to be

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Recently, with the help of someone, I realized that I'm somewhat of a perfectionist. I have been sifting through the reasons, this is the result. This poem has been the easiest to write, but the hardest to share.  I know there are others out there who know how I feel.  I want to share this to help encourage you and so that you may know you are not alone.  Maybe it can give you the courage to be who you are and stop pretending. 
Finding who you are in Christ is the center of that quest,  you will find who you’re supposed to be. Outside of reading the Bible, I will say the best way to begin being yourself should be the church. I am in a church that's safe to find myself...if you aren't, find a group of people who are safe and build relationships.